


you steal the air out of my lungs, you make me feel it ;

by jakepuhralta



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series), The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: In love with best friend, LGBTQ, M/M, Secret love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2020-06-30 03:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19844509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakepuhralta/pseuds/jakepuhralta
Summary: Eugene works up the courage to tell his best friend and co-worker Ned how he truly feels about him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do NOT ship Eugene and Ned--or any of the Try Guys--in real life. I completely 100% respect Ned and his family, as well as Eugene's personal life. Writing this story was just for fun, PLEASE don't take it seriously and think I actually ship them. It takes place in a universe where Eugene has not met his real-life boyfriend Matt. Thank you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene uploads his coming out video.

Eugene Lee Yang tried to ignore the beads of sweat slowly starting to form on his palms.

He stared at the computer monitor in front of him, sitting on the desk inside the Try Guys headquarters in Los Angeles, California, where they edited all of their videos. If he blinked, he didn't feel it.

He couldn't believe that the video was finally finished. After weeks of planning, organizing, choreographing, rehearsing, and editing it, amidst planning and rehearsing for the Try Guys tour as well... his coming out video was finally finished.

All he had to do was click the 'upload' button.

But before he could, he thought of everything that was going to happen after this. The entire world would finally know that he was gay. Ever since he became a public figure on the Internet, he used the labels 'LGBT' or 'queer'. From there, a lot of their fans assumed he was bisexual or pansexual. Of course, it frustrated him to know that there were millions of people out there in the world mislabelling him. But he also knew that that was a sacrifice he had to make if he wasn't ready for people to know his exact label.

After years of being an Internet celebrity, he finally felt ready to come out. In typical Eugene style, he was going to let the whole world know through sophisticated choreography and artistry. But in typical Try Guys style, he was going to do it through a video.

He took a deep breath. He reminded himself that Try Guys videos were released at a certain day and time and that uploading the video to Youtube would take a few minutes as well, so he could _not_ delay this any longer. He shook his hands to psych himself up.

Finally, he clicked 'upload'.

*****

Eugene didn't have to upload the video himself. He had people for that now. The company he had started with his three best friends after leaving BuzzFeed, 2nd Try LLC, employed twelve people, all of whom he knew could have uploaded the video themselves. 

But he had insisted to be the one to do it. It was his moment. It was a piece of work that he had slaved over. He didn't work on the editing because his calendar was filled to the brim, but he was still the one who gave directions on how to edit it. And dammit if he wasn't going to be the one to click 'upload' and show it to the world.

The Try Guys were taking a couple of days to rest before they had to jump back into tour rehearsals, so they were all doing their own things with their own families and significant others that day. He gave their employees the day off, partly because he only thought it was fair that they got days off too, but mostly because he didn't want anyone else in the office while he uploaded the video.

It was like a special little ceremony, one where he was the only person who got to partake in it. Which is what he wanted.

As he locked the front door of what used to be the Fulmers' old house behind him, he tried to shove one thought into the back of his mind. Years of being bullied and insecure growing up had trained him to be skilled at repressing ideas and memories he didn't want to think about, but this particular one was difficult.

He walked over to where he parked his car; sunglasses over his eyes, the California sun beating down on his face. He sat on the driver's seat in silence for a few minutes, thinking about what he was trying to repress earlier but couldn't.

By coming out to the whole world as a gay man through a video that he undoubtedly knew would gain at least a few million views, he had just revealed a truth about himself.

But it wasn't the _only_ truth about himself that he was hiding away.

And by not revealing this other truth, he still felt like he was lying. To his friends. To his family. To the whole world. But most of all, to himself.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He had forgotten to take it out and put it in his backpack, which he always did before driving so as to not get distracted.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself as he took it out. At least he hadn't started the car yet.

It was a text message from Ned Fulmer, his co-worker and one of his three best friends. He opened it.

 _Congrats, bud! I'm proud of you!_ the text said. He must have already seen the video. Of course, he and the two other Try Guys, Zach and Keith, had already known he was gay ever since they became friends--it was only a secret to the world, but not to the people Eugene had to regularly interact with--and they have told him repeatedly how proud they were of him when he let them know he wanted to come out publicly, but nevertheless he still received that message from Ned.

It wasn't in the Try Guys groupchat. Ned had sent it to Eugene. _Only_ Eugene.

Because that was the kind of person he was.

Eugene almost _never_ felt emotional. He rarely cried and anyone who knew him knew that. But there was nothing he could do to stop the tears from wetting his cheeks, like a dam had just burst. He covered his mouth with his hand, as if there was anyone around to hear him.

All those years he was called slurs, both racist and homophobic. All those times he had thought about coming out to his family throughout his adolescence until he finally came out to them just before he graduated high school. All those times he had to come out to his co-workers, at BuzzFeed and before that, over and over again because no queer person in this world can come out just once. All those times he fell in love. All of the emotions he was supposed to feel during those times, they had all come out in a single burst. 

And it had all led to this moment.

Eugene's thumbs typed out _I'm in love with you._ These words stared back at him, immobile. Then he pressed the backspace button repeatedly to delete the words.

He replaced them with _Thanks, dude_ instead. He pressed 'send'.

Then he drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene goes to a bar.

He didn't want to admit it, but Eugene was _exhausted._

Physically, mentally, and emotionally, he was exhausted. Before uploading the video, he put it through a final round of edits, because he was a perfectionist through and through. To his relief, the video didn't need any major editing--it was already near-perfect before he started on it, and it was his job to make it perfect.

Although, that, of course, also exhausted him.

He had taken his dogs, Emma and Pesto, to a pet-sitting center the day before. He loved his dogs, but for it to be truly a day off, he had to be able to relax. But perfecting his video and waiting for it to finish uploading was also work, which defeated the point of a day off. But no matter. He had closed all the blinds in his house. He had asked the Try Guys and their employees not to bother him for the day, but even so, he put his phone on Do Not Disturb mode.

He lied down on his bed, which he missed, even though he had slept in it the night before. But with all the work he was taking on, he felt like he hadn't slept in his bed in days. He pulled down the sleep mask over his eyes.

And he dreamt of Ned.

*****

Eugene never could pinpoint the exact moment he realized he had started falling for his co-worker.

He knew this would be hard to believe for anyone who knew the Try Guys and have watched their videos, but he didn't actually know Ned was married from the get-go. He and the rest of the Try Guys were all hired as interns around the same time, but it would be almost a year before they all worked together on their very first Try Guys video, _Guys Try on Ladies' Underwear._ Before that, he and Ned had only worked together a few times, but that didn't stop him from developing a crush on him.

A part of him hoped that he was gay. And during the short period of time before he found out Ned was married, Eugene thought that he _was_ gay. He wore pink. He had a laugh that in Eugene's opinion at the time was flamboyant. He wasn't afraid of expressing his emotions unlike most straight men Eugene knew.

And most importantly, he was cute. 

Eugene couldn't get the dirty blond of Ned's hair, or the bluish-green of his eyes, out of his mind.. He decided he was going to do something about it and ask Ned out for drinks the next day.

He started walking over to Ned's desk--before the Try Guys were formed, they didn't all sit next to each other. He had kept rehearsing what he was going to say and how he was going to say it in front of his bathroom mirror earlier that day, before he left the house for work. 

He got closer, and then saw Ned stand up and put his arm around an attractive young woman's shoulders. They started to walk away from Ned's desk.

"Hey, Ned," Eugene said. In retrospect, he wanted to smack himself for deciding to do that. But he thought it was a good idea at the time.

Ned and the woman stopped and turned around. "Oh, hey Eugene. What's up?"

Eugene smiled weakly. "Uh, who's this?" he asked, gesturing at the woman.

"This is my wife Ariel." A huge grin formed on Ned's face, a grin that would be familiar to millions of viewers as him mentioning his wife over and over again in their videos would become a recurring theme.

Ariel Fulmer smiled at him. She would always smile at him, and he hated and loved her for it at the same time. She put out her hand for him to shake. "Nice to meet you."

"She's... beautiful," Eugene said.

"Isn't she gorgeous?" Ned exclaimed. Eugene glanced at Ned's hand, which was now squeezing Ariel's waist. A silver ring on his finger, one that he had not noticed before. "I asked for some undertime today so we could make the most out of our date night tonight."

"Oh, sweet. Have fun."

"Were you about to tell me something, Eugene?"

"Oh, it was just something about work. I'll email it to you instead, it's not important. You guys have fun on your date, okay?" Eugene said, already starting to turn back around.

"Thanks, man!" Ned yelled at him. Eugene could hear him ask, "So how was your day, honey?" to his wife.

His wife.

The guy was married.

******

Eugene dreamt about Ned putting his hand over his, but the where and why were a distant memory. He couldn't discern if it was a memory or just one of those typical dream scenarios you get when you're dreaming about someone you have feelings for.

His dreams dissipated into smoke as he was awakened by a ringing. He had mistakenly set the Do Not Disturb on his phone after a certain time instead of indefinitely. He saw that it was now 10pm. He had slept for seven hours.

It was Keith calling him, more specifically, FaceTime. He answered it.

Keith's and Zach's faces were almost smushed together to fit into the screen. It was very noisy on their end, which made Eugene realize they were at some sort of bar.

"HEEEYYYY EUGENE." They sounded like they were drunk already.

"What do you guys want?" he asked groggily, one eye open.

"We know you told us not to disturb you because you wanted to rest," Zach said.

"But we thought today was too important not to celebrate. Since you're awake now, you should meet us at The Groove out on Sunset," Keith said.

"We were starting to feel bad that you weren't here."

Eugene sighed. After a moment he asked, "Is Ned gonna be there?"

"We asked him to come but he really wanted to spend more time with Ariel and Wes."

"Alright, I'll be there. Give me half an hour."

"Sweet! See you then!" Keith hung up.

Eugene rubbed his eyes as he got up. He padded over to his bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror.

"My first night out as an openly gay man," he muttered to himself.

******

Eugene thanked his Uber driver and got out of the car. Even outside of the Groove, people were laughing and talking, drinks in hand. Surprisingly, Zach and Keith were standing there, waiting for him.

"You made it!" Zach yelled.

"Y'all know I'd never say no to drinking," Eugene said.

As they neared the doors, some of the people outside turned their heads. They had not patronized The Groove as much as they did their usual bars--Eugene thinks they've only been here twice--which was why the other customers weren't already used to seeing them.

"Hey, aren't you the Try Guys or something?" a white guy with a beard and a white trucker hat, swaying slightly, asked them.

"Yeah, we are," Keith answered.

The guy hiccuped. "Uhh, where's the married one? Ned?" 

"He's at home," Eugene said. He fought back the urge to add that Keith was also married.

"I love your videos, man! You guys rule!" the guy yelled. 

Zach sighed happily, watching the guy walk away. "Ahh, that never gets old."

******

Eugene was that person who almost never got hangovers. But like all normal people, he still got drunk, even though it would take more for him to be than other people.

And like all drunk people, things that he would rather anyone not know could sometimes slip out involuntarily from his mouth.

"Whoa there, you might wanna slow down, Eugene. I mean, I know you're a heavyweight and all but I'm not used to seeing you like this," Zach said, worried. They had been at this bar for close to three hours. Keith had left just a few minutes ago, saying he didn't want to completely abandon his wife Becky. It was just him and Eugene.

Eugene had ordered five shots of tequila for himself. He proceeded to take them one after the other, almost methodically. Like he was _desperate_ to get drunk.

"Hey. I just came out to the whole world. I deserve this," Eugene slurred, slamming down the shot glass.

"Yeah, well, you being openly gay won't do you any good if you die early from liver cirrhosis. Slow down, will you?"

"You're the one who invited me here!"

"Yeah, because I wanted to celebrate with you. Not watch you drink yourself to death."

Eugene only shook his head as he took another shot.

"What's wrong with you? You seem upset about something," Zach said, after a moment.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I just like tequila. Is that so bad?"

The two of them sat there, not saying anything, staring at Eugene's empty shot glasses. The Groove was still in full swing.

"Hey, listen. I'm glad you're with me," Eugene finally said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm glad I'm with you right now. I'm glad I came out and that the whole world finally knows I'm gay so I don't have to fucking say I'm LGBT or queer anymore and everyone would finally, FINALLY stop saying I'm bisexual or pansexual or whatever the fuck. I'M GAY. END OF DISCUSSION."

Zach chuckled. "Yeah, okay."

"And you know what else I'm super duper fucking GLAD about?"

"What?"

"THAT EDWARD FUCKING FULMER ISN'T HERE!" Eugene yelled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach checks up on Eugene.

Eugene couldn't believe it.

It was the first time in a long time that he woke up with a hangover.

He painstakingly opened his eyes and realized he had a splitting headache. He couldn't remember the last time he got a headache from a hangover. He also couldn't remember how he got home.

He looked around. He was in his room, wearing the clothes he wore the night before when he went to the Groove with Zach and Keith. Aside from the pounding in his head and the dryness in his mouth, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

He felt something vibrate. He looked down and saw his phone on the floor, face down. He picked it up.

 _You awake yet?_ the text from Zach asked.

_Yeah, just woke up. Did you take me home last night?_

_You're welcome._

Eugene sent back a smiling emoji.

_Eugene. We need to talk._

******

Zach scrunched up his nose in confusion. "What? Why are you glad Ned's not here?"

In that moment, Eugene sobered up just a tiny bit. "Because... because that means he's taking care of his baby! And his wife! His perfect family! Ya know? THEY ARE HASHTAG RELATIONSHIP GOALS!"

"Dude, lower your voice. People are starting to look." Zach had seen Eugene drunk plenty of times, but never like this. What was going on?

"SO WHAT? WE'RE IN A BAR! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LOUD!"

"That's it, I'm taking you home."

"What? The party's just getting started, Zach! AND I'M THE PARTY!"

"I'm getting us an Uber."

"Waiter, can you get me five more shots of tequila, please-"

"NO, NO! Please don't get him more tequila. He's cut off. We're going home."

A few minutes later, Zach was dragging Eugene, one arm around his shoulder, towards a car. Miraculously, he could still walk.

"The fucking nerve you have, inviting me to go out even when I didn't want to, only for you to take me home early," Eugene said, once the car started driving away.

"Dude, I have no idea what's going on with you. You're never like this when you're drunk. But that was too much, even for you. I'm worried about you, Eugene."

"Oh my God, everybody's always so fucking worried about me. What, just because I'm gay now that means I've changed? I haven't changed! I'm still me. Eugene Lee Yang, son of Jae Yang...."

"Wow." Zach couldn't believe his ears. Eugene must have been more drunk than he thought, since he would never say that he's "gay now". He's always been gay. His friends and co-workers had known for years now. It was just the rest of the world that was catching up.

"If he needs to throw up, there are some plastic bags in the door compartments," their Uber driver, whose name was Max, added.

"Thanks for that."

It was silent in the car for a while.

"Why are you glad Ned wasn't there with us? That's such an oddly specific thing to say, even when drunk."

"God, just forget it, Zach. You wouldn't understand," Eugene muttered.

"Now this became even weirder. What _wouldn't_ I understand? What's going on with you and Ned?"

"Nothing. And that's the problem. You're so fucking clueless."

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, EUG-"

Without a word, Eugene grabbed a plastic bag from the door compartment and retched.

******

Before Eugene could reply to Zach's text, he heard his front door unlock. Within a moment, Zach was standing by the door of his bedroom, two cups of coffee from Starbucks in his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Eugene asked.

"Oh, is that the thanks I get for getting you home last night?" Zach said, putting the coffees down on Eugene's nightstand and sitting on the corner of the bed.

"Were you just waiting outside my house this whole time?"

"Good thing you replied cuz I was going to get in and wake you up either way."

Eugene rolled his eyes and groaned, lying back down. "Why are you here, Zach?"

"We need to talk about what you said last night."

"Dude, I don't even remember most of what happened last night. All I know is we met up at the Groove, this guy recognized us and said he loved our videos, and Keith left early for whatever reason. And I think I threw up in an Uber, but that's about it. What's there to talk about?" Eugene reached for one of the coffees and noisily took a sip.

"You said some pretty weird stuff last night. About Ned. And his family."

Eugene stopped short. _Fuck,_ he thought. "So? I was drunk. Drunk people say crazy things."

"Aren't you even gonna ask what you said? Because I still remember."

"Fine." Eugene shrugged, trying not to look nervous. "What did I say?"

"You said that you're glad I was with you, and that you came out and everybody knows you're gay, but that you were also glad that Ned wasn't with us last night, and you said it's because it means he's taking care of his family. Then you started getting angry in the Uber when I asked you what was going on with you and Ned, and you said nothing and that I wouldn't understand."

Eugene licked his lips, not meeting Zach's eyes.

"Does that... mean anything to Sober Eugene?"

Eugene snorted. "No. Why should it? I don't know why I said those things, okay?"

"Should I be concerned? Is there conflict within the Try Guys? Are you and Ned secretly beefing?"

"What? No!" Eugene said, alarmed. The last thing he wanted to happen was for the other guys to think he was going to ruin the group. He would never let that happen. "No, nothing like that's going on, Zach. I swear."

"So what's really going on, Eugene? You can talk to me. And I'm not leaving until you do."

Eugene knew he had to lie. He could never, _ever_ tell a single soul that he was in love with Ned Fulmer, his best friend and co-worker of five years, who was married and just had his first child. Especially not in these circumstances.

"I think... I dunno, subconsciously, I was jealous of Ned's family, ya know? Because his family's perfect and I'm a child of divorce. I see him and Ariel and think of what could've been between my parents. That's all."

Zach seemed to buy it. "Okay then. That doesn't make it any less weird but at least that explains it. You were acting really strangely last night, Eugene. Even for someone who was drunk."

"Now that you have your answer, don't you have anywhere else to be?"

"Yeah, I'm going out to lunch with Maggie. You're welcome for the coffee, by the way!"

"Thanks for checking up on me. And for bringing me home last night. I appreciate it."

Zach gave him the finger guns as he left the room, which was a habit that Eugene found extremely annoying, but in that moment he found it endearing.

No one could ever know. It didn't mean he didn't trust Zach. 

But if he ever decided to give up his biggest secret, he wanted it to come from him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks that explain Eugene's relationship with babies.

A few days have passed since Eugene's coming out video was released, and aside from the bar incident where he almost confessed to Zach that he was in love with Ned, Eugene felt like he was on cloud nine.

This is what he had worked for when he was a little boy and trying on his mom's dresses while his sisters giggled at him. This is what he had worked for when he auditioned for all those roles in school plays while his white classmates told him he'd never get the part because of his ethnicity. This is what he had worked for when he got in to the best film school in the country, studied for four years, and graduated.

It had all led to this.

People were stopping him on the street: Try Guys fans, casual fans, BuzzFeed fans, or people who just happened to come across his video and watched it. They congratulated him. They hugged him. They took photos with him. They told him how much they loved him and that he gave them the courage to come out to their own loved ones. It was the same on social media.

These were some of the moments Eugene treasured the most.

******

Eugene didn't always used to hate babies.

He was known as the Try Guy who had the least paternal instincts or inclinations. But he didn't always used to be that way.

His sisters, however? _They_ were the real baby haters. He remembered growing up in Pflugerville, Texas, whenever a neighbour had just had a baby and was taking it out for a walk in the neighborhood, he would ooh and ahh at it in its stroller, making silly faces and playing peek-a-boo. His sisters would just stand and stare at him, confused and disgusted.

But since they were Asian and most of their neighbours were white, they would wait until the neighbour would leave to express their disgust.

"Why do you like babies so much, Eugene?"

"Babies are gross and ugly. Imagine having to change its diaper every day for, what? Three years? Eww."

"You guys are just mean. Babies symbolize life and a new beginning. They're the purest and most innocent people in the world, because they haven't been taught all the bad things that grown people do yet," he replied.

He was the go-to baby-sitter for most of their families in their neighborhood. But he had never once thought he would start resenting babies once he found out Ned Fulmer was taken.

It had only been a couple of months since Eugene and Ned were hired together as interns when he found out Ned was married. He had never once heard Ned mention the words 'wife', 'marriage', 'family', or 'baby' before that day, but maybe it was because he was too focused on Ned's eyes. Or freckles. Or how his laugh sometimes made him sound like the cartoon character Squidward Tentacles.

But after seeing Ariel that day at their office, Ned's arm slung around her shoulders, it was like coming out from underwater. He could hear everything more clearly.

After that, it's like all Ned could talk about was his wife and having a baby with her. He would hear Ned talk about how many kids he wanted and what names he would give them to their other co-workers at BuzzFeed. 

Then the Try Guys had their first official video and Eugene never got to escape.

It's not like he was going to suddenly quit the ladies' underwear video once Ned joined (Ned was the last to join since he was the most reluctant out of the four of them). No, that would've been too weird.

But every single interaction with Ned after that was like a punch to the gut, knowing he would never, _ever_ have a chance with Ned. Ever. It was especially difficult when they were making videos that required them to get naked. He lost count of how many times he had seen Ned's penis. He thanked whatever god created him that he didn't get boners easily, because he would've been in trouble so many times.

But secretly, he was ecstatic. He didn't have to feel guilty about staring at Ned for a few hours.

Don't even get him started on the Ancient Olympics video.

He couldn't remember whose idea was it for him and Ned to be paired up during the wrestling portion, but it might be because Zach and Keith just wanted to tie. As he wrestled Ned in mud and dirt, all those cameras and BuzzFeed employees staring at them all the while, he wasn't able to stop himself from letting his mind drift far, far away.

 _He's straight and married, Eugene. Jesus Christ, get it together,_ he would tell himself in front of the mirror every morning before going to work. It was a waste of time pining over Ned when he could be putting that energy into the videos he produced.

And he did.

Eugene was praised for all the BuzzFeed videos he directed. They were artistic, intricate, creative, and perfected down to the very last detail. Sometimes, he found it annoying that some people only seemed to like or praise him because he was attractive and not for how _amazing_ his videos were. He loved being praised for his looks after being called ugly all his childhood, but growing up into an attractive adult man didn't require him to do any work--directing, editing, and producing videos did. And he'd much prefer getting recognition for _that._

Despite working with him for Try Guys videos, Eugene eventually put his feelings for Ned in the backburner of his heart as he got too preoccupied with making videos. People knew him as a perfectionist, which he was, but truthfully he didn't have to be all the time. Sometimes he chose to, because being a perfectionist kept him busy.

Too busy to nurture the feelings he had for his co-worker, which never went away.

But coming out to the entire world as gay made him break that streak. And while a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, it was like a new weight had replaced it.

Ironically enough, it was Ned's own child that made Eugene resent babies less. Wesley Fulmer was born on April 14, 2018 and he did not bring Eugene back to the level of adoration he had for babies as a child growing up in Texas, but he did not resent babies as much as he did when he found out Wes's father was a married man with intentions of having his own children one day.

On the afternoon that Ariel had given birth to Wes after a grueling 14 hours of labor, Eugene had gotten a phone call.

"Hello?"

"I'm a dad! I'm a dad!" Ned yelled so loudly that Eugene had to take the phone away from his ear. He was in the parking lot of the hospital, grabbing some fresh air while Ariel took a nap.

Eugene was not expecting this. Ned and Ariel told him and the other Try Guys the baby wasn't due for another month. He didn't know what to say right away until he remembered people usually congratulate the parents of a newborn baby.

"Wow, congratulations! How's Ariel? How's the baby?"

"Everyone's fine and healthy, thank God. She went into labor last night while we were sleeping and she didn't give birth until about an hour and a half ago."

"She spent ALL DAY being in labor?!"

"I know. We're both exhausted but... we made it through."

"Wow. Do you guys have a name?"

"Yeah, we've already named him but I want to tell all three of you guys at the same time. I have a few more calls to make, so I'll talk to you again soon."

"Okay, bye, Ned. Congrats again!"

Ned ended the call and Eugene stared at his phone silently, overwhelmed with emotion, although you wouldn't know it just by looking at him. Tears started to roll down his cheeks--whether from joy or guilt, he didn't know--which he didn't bother wiping away, because he was only sitting in his room. Alone.

He wouldn't see Ned in person for another three weeks after that call. He and Ariel had sent photos--photos of them with their newborn baby, whom they announced was named Wesley James Fulmer during a group Skype session; photos of Ned napping next to the baby, Ned building a crib, Ned shirtless and looking exhausted. Despite the constant updates, Eugene had missed Ned terribly.

"Congratulations, Ned," he whispered into the silent, still bedroom. "I'm sure you'll be a wonderful dad."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene spends an afternoon at the beach with the Fulmer family the day before their first Legends of the Internet show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, homophobic slur

Eugene looked around the rehearsal studio the Try Guys had rented out, panting, sweat dripping down his forehead.

He grinned. They grinned back at him.

"Holy shit. We did it," Eugene whispered triumphantly.

Slowly, they started to clap for themselves. Zach yelled out a "WHOO!" Even though it was just the four of them in the otherwise empty, now-silent studio, it already felt like they were bowing in front of thousands of fans, having finished what was going to be their two-hour Legends of the Internet live show.

But it hadn't even begun yet.

It was the last day of their rehearsals. And they were finally done.

"We're really going to be performing all of this in TWO DAYS," Zach said.

"In front of our fans," Keith added.

"Even though we're pretty fucking awesome, I really hope we don't let them down," Ned said.

Eugene looked Ned right in the eyes, a confident smirk forming on his lips. "Don't worry. We won't."

\----

Eugene and the guys had been so busy rehearsing and finalizing the elements of their show that he hadn't had time to wallow on the incident with Zach at The Groove and the conversation that followed in his bedroom while he was hungover the next day. He was somehow able to put his feelings for Ned in the backburner of his mind, just like he had been doing for the past five years whenever he needed to.

He was going to be on the road give or take three weeks, and he suddenly decided he wanted a clean house to come back to. This was what he was doing the day before their first show at The Wiltern in Los Angeles.

He had been cleaning for hours, and he was glad he had dropped off his dogs, Emma and Pesto, off at the local dog hotel earlier that morning, because they were both terrified of the vacuum that Eugene was now using. His stomach rumbled, and he realized he had forgotten to eat lunch, but he didn't care. He had way too much nervous energy that he needed to shake off.

He turned off the vacuum, and just then, his phone rang. He grabbed it off the coffee table.

It was Ned calling.

"Hello?"

"Hey, what's up, Eugene? You busy?" He heard Wes was cooing in the background.

Eugene looked around his living room. He had been on his feet for a while. Maybe it was time for a break. "Uh no, why?"

"Ariel wants to have a family day and go to the beach before our first show and she thought maybe you'd want to come. Are you up for Santa Monica?"

Eugene shrugged. He might as well. "Yeah, why not?"

"Okay, we'll pick you up in about half an hour. Bye!"

\----

"Look, Wes! It's a seagull! Wow!"

Eugene, Ned, and Ariel were walking along Santa Monica Beach, with Ariel pushing Wes' stroller. Ned was bent over his son, pointing out everything that came into their path. Eugene would be annoyed at having to stop every few seconds for Ned to do this if it wasn't so damn cute.

Ariel laughed. "Babe, this is like the fifth seagull you've pointed out to him in the last 15 minutes. I think he gets it."

"Ugh, can you blame me? I'm not gonna see you guys for three weeks. I want to make sure he knows what a seagull looks like," Ned pouted.

"Alright, that's it." Ariel bent over the stroller and unclasped the belts that made sure Wesley was safe in his stroller. "Just carry him. No point in pushing him in the stroller if we're going to stop every five seconds," she said good-naturedly, lifting Wes by his armpits and handing him over to Ned.

"Oh, my little boy!" Ned cooed. He kissed Wesley's chubby cheeks and the baby giggled. "Come on, let's see what the ocean looks like!" he said, running to the shoreline with his son in his arms.

"You'd think this was the first time we ever took the baby to the beach," Ariel told Eugene. The two of them watched Ned play with Wes in the sand.

"You guys are the best parents I've ever met," Eugene said after a moment.

Ariel glanced at Eugene. His face was serious, as if he didn't mean it as a compliment but was only stating a factual observation.

"Thank you, Eugene," Ariel said, her eyes glistening.

Eugene looked back at her and smiled slightly but said nothing.

Moments later he and Ariel were sitting on a blanket in the sand, watching Ned and Wes play some more near the water. Ariel told him that even if she wanted to play with Wes herself, she knew Ned needed this more than she did, seeing that he wasn't going to see their son for three weeks. She decided to sit back and watch them play instead.

Ned later walked up to them with Wes in his arms. "Honey, I think he needs a new diaper."

"Why can't you change him?" Eugene asked.

"I would but the men's bathroom doesn't have a changing table, only the women's does. It's annoying that they still haven't done anything about that. It's so insulting to fathers and sexist to women, as if only women are expected to change diapers. You know, what if a gay couple needs to change their baby's diaper? There's no woman in the couple, so what are they supposed to-"

"Alright, Ned, I get it," Eugene said.

"Yeah, that topic _really_ gets him riled up," Ariel said.

"I'm just saying! I've been alone with Wes in public so many times and I either have to change him in the car, or wait until we get home! It's so stupid how-"

"Okay, honey, I got him," Ariel interrupted. She knew her husband could talk for hours about a topic he was passionate about. She took Wes from Ned and grabbed the baby bag, walking over to the public toilets.

Ned sighed. "How hard is it to just add a changing table to the men's bathroom? That's all I ask." He sat down on the blanket next to Eugene.

"That's really important to you, huh?"

"Of course it is. I'm not gonna be one of those husbands who expects his wife to do all the work when it comes to the baby. Wes is the apple of my eye, and I'll be damned if I don't have an equal hand in raising him..."

As Ned spoke, Eugene couldn't help but stare at him. He knew he shouldn't, as it would stir up all of his feelings for him, and he didn't want that. He was going to be stuffed in a tour bus with him and two of his other friends for the next three weeks, and nursing his unresolved romantic feelings for Ned would not be ideal.

Suddenly, something hit Eugene on the back of his head and he saw stars.

"Holy shit! Are you alright?" Ned asked.

They looked at what hit Eugene. A volleyball was sitting on the sand right next to them. They glanced up and saw a muscular guy running toward them to retrieve the ball.

"Sorry about that, guys. My friend really sucks at serving," the guy said, picking up the ball.

Eugene rubbed the back of his head. "That's fine. I'm fine."

The guy stared at Eugene a moment longer. "Hey, you're that dude who just came out on YouTube, right?" he asked, pointing at Eugene.

"Uh, yeah, that's me."

The guy chuckled. "Thanks for that. Now that my girlfriend knows you're a faggot, she doesn't have to fantasize about you right in front of me anymore-"

Eugene was speechless. After the mostly positive feedback he and his video got, fans meeting him on the street to congratulate him, he almost forgot homophobes still existed. That not everyone would be okay with it. And that some of them would have the guts to express their hatred to his face.

Ned wasted no second getting up. "I'm sorry, what did you just call my friend?" He started approaching the guy until Eugene snapped back into reality and got up to block him from getting any nearer.

"Ned, Ned, no. Let it go."

The guy sneered at them, then started to walk away. "Love your videos, by the way. Can't wait to see you in more women's underwear."

After the guy left, Ned turned to Eugene, his eyes blazing. "What did you just do? I could've beat him up; I can't believe you just let him get away with that-"

"I could've beat him up myself. I know taekwando, remember?"

"So why didn't you? Why did you just let him walk away like that?"

"Because he's not worth it, Ned! We have a show tomorrow, did you want to perform for two hours in front of people with a black eye?"

"I don't care about that-"

"You're with your family at the beach. Ariel could've walked right up as you were punching that guy's face in, do you really want to subject her to that? What about Wes?"

Upon hearing Wes' name, Ned stared at Eugene.

"Did you want to subject _Wes_ to that? To violence? At a year old?"

Ned shook his head, not as an answer to Eugene's questions, which were rhetorical, but because he still couldn't believe what had just happened. "What he said still shouldn't have gone unpunished-"

"I _know_ that, Ned. You don't think I know that? You think this is the first time I've ever experienced homophobia from complete strangers? If I fought every single person who has ever called me a slur, or got right up in my face, I wouldn't be here talking to you right now."

They stared at each other's faces, knowing the last part of Eugene's sentence had multiple implications behind it.

Ned clenched his jaw. "Next time, Eugene... I don't need your permission. If someone ever so much as looks at you the wrong way, I _will_ destroy them." This whole time, Eugene was squeezing Ned's forearm, as if the homophobe was still behind them and he was still keeping Ned from advancing on him. Ned shook it away and Eugene let go.

"Okay, tough guy. Settle down. Just take a deep breath."

They sat back on the sand for a couple more minutes until Ariel returned with Wesley. "All done! Wait... what's going on?"

Ned and Eugene looked up at her. Ariel could sense the tension in the air, as if something had just happened while she and Wes were gone. She looked at them, confused.

"Hon, maybe we should get home. I'll cook us a fancy dinner, how does that sound?" Ned said.

"Okay! Wes is getting tired anyway." They looked at Wes, who right then was yawning and rubbing his eyes. Ariel started strapping him back onto his stroller.

Ned looked back at Eugene. "We'll drop you off."

Eugene started to get up. "Yeah, that'd be great."

Ariel was still looking at the two of them confusedly, but decided not to pursue it right there. She'd just ask Ned during dinner.

\----

Later that night, Eugene thought about the events that had just happened that day before closing his eyes.

It wasn't the first time Ned got into a fight or almost got into a fight with a stranger in public while in the presence of the other Try Guys. He was the most aggressive of the Try Guys and the rest of them had a protocol whenever they had to de-escalate potential fights involving Ned. After Wes, it seemed like he frequented places where he could easily get into fights less, such as bars and clubs. They assumed Ned just grew up and realized he had an actual family to think about, and pursuing fights--even if it was for a good reason--wasn't worth it.

This was the first time Eugene had seen Ned almost get into a fight since Ariel became pregnant. And he thought that was deliberate.

He vibrated at the memory of Ned getting up a nanosecond after the guy called him a slur. His breaths became shallow, as he was on the verge of a panic attack. 

He remembered Ned telling him he could've beat that guy up for him. How he promised to destroy anyone who even looked at him the wrong way. How he didn't care if he had a black eye tomorrow.

Only because he wanted to defend Eugene.

His heart started to pound, and he started shaking his head.

"No... no... not again..." he whispered to his empty bedroom.

The feelings he had compartmentalized flooded his entire body again.

He was shaken with guilt--how could he have just spent an entire afternoon with Ned's family--Ned's _baby_ \--and still not brainwashed himself into getting rid of his feelings for Ned?

But it was too late now.

He had fallen in love with Ned all over again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Try Guys go on tour.

On the day of their first Legends of the Internet show at The Wiltern in Los Angeles, everything seemed more or less normal.

Eugene was his usual focused and intense self, Zach was being a detail-oriented perfectionist, Ned acted as the manager-slash-representative and was in charge of talking to the theater and tour staff, and Keith was being supportive of everyone all around and made sure tensions were low.

They did last-minute rehearsals and sound-check on the Wiltern stage, and they had no time to chit-chat.

Which is why Ned didn't notice that Eugene was ignoring him.

Well, not completely. They still had to organize and perform a show so he can't _not_ talk to Ned. But Eugene only talked to him when he _absolutely_ had to.

It was their first show, so the logistics of it weren't yet seared into their brain. They didn't go through their show-day routine like clockwork yet. But when they got to their fifth city, they relaxed a little. They knew how to do this now. They knew how things worked.

Since preparations for their show didn't start until the afternoon, they had a few hours to explore the city they were in, take in a little sight-seeing, see what the locals and the food were like.

Keith, Ned, and Zach, despite their lack of sleep during the long drive, were up and awake once the bus has stopped. Keith and Zach walked to a nearby park and Ned wanted to go rent bikes, but didn't want to go alone.

He walked back to the bus, where Eugene was still sleeping. Or trying to, at least.

Ned knocked on the wall near Eugene's tiny bed. "Hey, Eugene?"

Eugene didn't stir. He was wide awake. But Ned didn't know that.

"Eugene, I know you're tired, but I think it'd be a good idea to get some fresh air. Can you take a nap a little later instead? We've been stuck in this bus for eight hours, man."

Nothing.

"Keith and Zach are at a park. They didn't want to go biking. Do you want to go with me?"

Eugene finally rolled over to face Ned. "No, I don't wanna go biking with you, Ned."

"Why not?"

Ned tried not to show it, but that hurt. They all knew Eugene was blunt, but he was blunt about things that they _all_ knew were ridiculous. What was so wrong with biking? He couldn't help but take it personally.

Eugene sighed. "Because as you can see I'm trying to get some sleep. See you before the show. Now go away."

Ned bit his lip. He didn't care about the biking anymore; now he was just worried. "Are you okay, Eugene? You sound sad."

"I'm fine. I sound sad because I'm _tired_ and you won't let me rest. Just go with Keith and Zach. Jesus."

Ned didn't want to beat around the bush. He wanted to get this out of the way since he knew he was going to spend another two weeks stuck with Eugene in this damn bus. He sighed, as if expecting a confrontation. "Is this about that day at the beach? With the homophobic dudebro?"

Eugene sat up, startled. "What?"

"Are you mad that I tried to beat him up or that I caused a scene? Do you not like that I stood up for you?"

 _Of course, I'm not mad, you idiot. I fucking loved you for it. I still do,_ Eugene thought, but of course that wasn't what came out of his mouth.

Eugene sighed, faking exasperation. "No, Ned. I'm not mad about that. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that you won't let me sleep. _Please_ just go. Oh my God."

Ned shrugged, satisfied. Even though he was still hurt that NOBODY wanted to go biking with him, it sounded like a normal Eugene answer. "Okay. Suit yourself. But if you change your mind just call me. I'll come get you."

"Yeah, fine, whatever," Eugene said, turning away, and closing his eyes. Ned walked out of the bus, closing the door shut.

Show preparations didn't start for another 7 hours, and Eugene was wide awake the whole time.

\----

Eugene was determined not to spend time alone with Ned during any free time they had during the tour.

Zach and Keith didn't pair up every time; there were times where they did join Ned on whatever 'dad' activity he wanted to do. If Zach and Keith were there, Eugene would relent and begrudgingly join them even though he _was_ actually tired. 

Eugene prided himself on being discreet, but apparently he wasn't discreet enough.

Or maybe Zach was way more observant than anyone had given him credit for.

Because Zach noticed.

They were in a new city once again, exploring it in the hours before they had to start preparing for their show. Keith and Ned were off shopping for presents for their respective wives, while Zach and Eugene were sitting at a quaint little outdoor cafe, waiting for their lattes.

"Here you are," the waitress said, carefully putting their cups of foamy lattes in front of them. "Enjoy."

"Thank you." Zach immediately picked up his phone and wasted no time taking a photo of the leaf design on the latte foam.

"Ugh," Eugene groaned, rolling his eyes. "I knew you were gonna do that."

"If you knew, then what's the point of complaining?" Zach asked cheekily.

The two of them chatted like they always did. Eugene didn't like admitting it, but out of the three other Try Guys, Zach was the one he liked talking to the most. It wasn't lost to Zach how energetic and talkative Eugene got whenever they talked about their dogs, or movies, or studying film.

Half an hour later, Keith and Ned stopped by the cafe.

"Hey, you're back!" Zach greeted them. Keith and Ned were both carrying shopping bags, small sweat stains forming on their shirts.

"We're not done yet, we're just gonna take these to the bus. Whew," Keith panted.

"These are just for Ariel, I haven't gotten anything for Wes yet," Ned said.

"We'll meet back near the theater, okay?" Keith said.

"Okay. Later!" Zach yelled as Keith and Ned walked away.

Zach turned back to Eugene, whom he noticed grew just a tad bit tense when Ned and Keith showed up. He sighed inwardly. Should he even bring it up, or was he just being paranoid?

"Alright. What's going on with you two?"

Eugene frowned. "What? Me and who?"

"You and Ned. You guys really are beefing, aren't you?"

"We are not beefing, Zach. What are you even talking about?"

Zach stared at Eugene, looking him in the eyes. "You don't think I've noticed? You really think I'm dumb, don't you?"

"Yeah, I kinda do, but what have you noticed? I still don't know what you're talking about."

"The way you're avoiding Ned."

"I'm not avoiding him-"

"Don't even try to lie to me right now, Eugene. You don't think Ned has told me and Keith about how every time he invites you to go somewhere this entire time we've been touring, you always turn him down? And don't even say it's because you're tired and need a nap, because whenever Keith and I come along, you do go. But never when it's just you and Ned."

Eugene was silent.

"We just didn't bring it up because we didn't want to potentially make a big deal out of nothing. But even though you always say no, he hasn't stopped asking you. You guys are both stubborn as fuck."

Eugene looked down at the table, not wanting to make eye contact with Zach. He wanted to sip his coffee just to give himself something to do, but he had already finished it. Damn.

"There's something you're not telling me, Eugene," Zach said, his voice getting lower. "I've known you long enough to know when something's eating you up. I have a feeling this has to do with that weird thing you said at the bar-"

"Zach-"

"About Ned? And his family?"

"Zach, please-"

"I know you were drunk, but there was meaning behind those words-"

"Don't make me say it."

"I won't. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, Eugene. Whatever this is, whatever it is you're not telling me, I'll let you do it on your own terms."

Eugene closed his eyes. He felt like he was underwater again, the cacophony of voices from the other cafe patrons, the clanking of utensils, the squawking of birds above their heads, the honking of cars and the screeching of tires, he felt like he was drowning and the only way to get to the surface was to unload the words threatening to spew from his mouth-

He covered his face in his hands. It was all just too much.

It felt like hours had passed by, even though it was only a few seconds. He uncovered his face. Zach was still looking at him, concerned but not patronizing. The world didn't end. Everything still looked the same.

Eugene cleared his throat and looked Zach right in the eyes.

"Zach?"

"Yes?"

"You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene does not get the reaction he expected.

"Just because you're in love with someone else's husband doesn't mean you have to avoid him, Eugene."

Eugene stared at Zach witheringly. They were still at the cafe, an hour later. He guessed they weren't going to do any more sight-seeing after this. They were going to run out of time.

"I mean, look. How long do you think you can keep this up? You run a company together. What, did you expect to hire somebody to act as a go-between because you don't want to talk to him?"

Eugene was almost amused. "You know, I actually expected you to be more... emotional about this. I didn't think you'd be logical and ask me questions about the damn company."

"Oh, trust me, my brain is fucking _melting_ right now, but I still want to be sensitive and not crass. All I'm saying is... you don't have to punish yourself for this, Eugene. So you're in love with Ned. So what? Ned's a great guy. You can't avoid him for the rest of your life."

"I'm not punishing myself by doing this, Zach. The less I see of him, the less I'm going to think about my feelings for him and eventually they'll fade away."

"Really?" Zach looked at Eugene disbelievingly, one eyebrow raised. "They'll _fade_ away?"

"Okay, fine, it'll be easier for me to compartmentalize them. I've done this before. I've been in love with him for five years now, and I survived. I got busy. I had no time to think about my feelings for him."

"So why is it actually giving you trouble now? How is going on a nationwide tour any less busy than making videos for BuzzFeed?"

Eugene thought about that day at the beach. About how Ned was ready to beat up a complete stranger because he called Eugene a homophobic slur. How militant Ned was about wanting diaper changing tables in men's bathrooms. 

But most importantly, about his coming out. About how, while he revealed a deep truth about himself to the entire world, he still kept the biggest secret he's ever had in his life from the people closest to him, and that it felt unfair. Why would he be more truthful to strangers than to the people he loved?

"Because... because..."

"Look, you don't have to tell me everything right now. I know this was hard for you. And I am deeply honored to be the first person you've ever told this secret to, and I won't tell a soul."

Zach could see the gratitude in Eugene's eyes.

"But if keeping this secret is doing you more harm than good--potentially ruining your friendship with Ned, should it still be a secret?"

Eugene's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about? I'm not keeping this a secret because I'm embarrassed for having feelings. This is a secret because Ned is married! He has a baby! What even would be the point of telling him this?"

"Why does that matter? We all know he's never going to leave Ariel in a hundred THOUSAND years, no matter what. So why are you so scared of being a homewrecker? He'll appreciate you being honest. The point is to get it off your chest. The longer you hold on to it, the harder it's going to be for you to move on."

Eugene swallowed. Was Zach right? Should he tell Ned how he feels about him just for the _sake_ of telling him?

Nah. That's crazy talk. Since when was Zach ever right about anything?

"Thanks, but no thanks." While they were talking, the waitress place a pitcher of water on their table and two glasses. Eugene took a sip, signalling that it was the end of their conversation.

"Eugene, I-"

"Actually, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Eugene stood up, fishing a 20-dollar bill from his pocket, throwing it casually on the table. "See you at the show."

"Where are you going? EUGENE!"

Eugene walked back to the bus where he tried to take a nap for the two remaining hours he had left before he had to go to the venue and prepare for the show.

And failed.

\-----

Later that night, Eugene couldn't make eye contact with the other Try Guys during their pre-show preparations.

He spoke in one-word grunts, sometimes not at all. Chugged down water bottles to give himself something to do. They weren't worried about the show, they knew Eugene could turn his emotions on and off if need be--there was no way he was going to let down their fans, the Tryceratops, by acting moody and tired during their performance. 

But they were worried about him.

Keith nudged Zach. "You know anything about this?" he whispered.

"Huh?"

"Why Eugene's being so weird. You were with him earlier today. What's his deal?"

Zach sighed. He knew why Eugene was distant--he had confessed his biggest secret to Zach, only to get a reaction that he was not expecting. Zach telling him that maybe telling Ned isn't such a bad idea if it would help unload Eugene's emotional burden agitated him. Zach tried to apologize when Eugene arrived backstage, only to be met with a shrug.

"I don't know, Keith. But let's cut him a break. The guy's been working non-stop. Maybe the stress is finally starting to get to him."

"Wow. Eugene. Actually showing signs of stress? Didn't think I was gonna live long enough to see that," Keith replied.

Five minutes before they had to go onstage in front of thousands of adoring fans, Zach cornered Eugene.

"Eugene. I just need to know if we're okay. You don't have to say anything. But just let me know. I don't want us to perform not knowing if we are. Please."

Eugene was silent. Finally, he looked Zach in the eyes and gave a subtle nod.

Zach smiled a small smile. "Let's do this."

\-----

They sang. They danced. Fans screamed. They killed.

And in a few weeks, they were going to take their show overseas to Australia.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene has a free day in Australia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although the events in this chapter are based on their real-life Legends of the Internet tour, in this story they don't go to Singapore after their Australian shows because it just makes more sense for my narrative.

Eugene woke up with a start.

He was having a nightmare just seconds before. He dreamt he was being attacked by a bird, just like in _The Birds,_ a horror movie directed by Alfred Hitchcock in 1963. The sound of the birds squawking kept ringing in his ears.

When he opened his eyes, he could still hear it. Where was that sound _coming from_?

He turned over, one eye still closed. There on his hotel balcony sat a crow, still squawking. Eugene rolled his eyes, realizing why he was having that nightmare. He loved Australia, but he thought the birds there were definitely more annoying and feral than the ones in America. 

He and the Try Guys had their live show in Sydney the night before, and Eugene fell asleep almost immediately when his head hit the pillow when they got back to their hotel. He was known as the insomniac in the group--he could only get three hours of sleep and still manage to act energetic the next morning--but weeks of inadequate sleep finally caught up to him, in addition to the exhaustion VidCon AU and the two live shows in Australia brought to him.

Of course it would end with him having a nightmare.

He and the Try Guys had a few days to sight-see in Sydney before they had to fly back to Los Angeles. Usually he was the 'itinerary traveller'--he wasn't the kind of person who would only lounge around by the pool when he was in a foreign place, he wanted to explore and meet people and eat food and climb mountains--but he was just so exhausted.

And if he was being completely honest, it was still awkward being around the other Try Guys. Especially Ned.

There were two months in between the end of their 20-city tour in America and their trip to Australia. In those two months of course they had to film videos at their headquarters, so there was no avoiding them. Eugene managed to act at least a little normally, talking to the guys if he absolutely had to, but even managing to sprinkle in a little chit-chat here and there, just to get them--especially Zach--off his back.

Outside of work, though... he made himself scarce.

Aside from his insistence that staying away from Ned would make his feelings fade away, he just... wasn't ready. He thought he was going to get over it eventually, but the fact that Zach knew his biggest secret made him feel like taking a thousand showers. He was uncomfortable being this vulnerable, especially that his secret, if it fell onto the wrong hands, could potentially tear the Try Guys apart.

He wanted to scream into a pillow every time he remembered that conversation with Zach at the cafe.

The Try Guys all got separate hotel rooms in Sydney, obviously because all three of them except for Eugene were with their significant others. They would never pass up the opportunity to go to a foreign country and make it romantic. That day though, they had no concrete plans of going sight-seeing with all eight of them (including Wes) so Eugene hoped they would forget he was there and just leave without him. He really didn't feel like sight-seeing. He could do that tomorrow when he was less tired.

Thankfully, aside from a few texts that he ignored, the other guys didn't come knocking to his door and ask him to go with them anywhere. They probably figured he was still asleep if he hadn't answered any of their texts and stayed clear of him, and he was relieved. He stayed in bed for hours and ordered room service, passively channel-surfing. Australian television was fascinating to him--he kept trying to imitate the accents he heard, which he realized all sounded slightly different. Was Australia like the UK where they all sounded different depending on which area they were from?

Eugene landed on a channel that showed old classic movies. He chuckled at the absurdity of it all.

It was showing _The Birds._

He fluffed his pillow, sat back, and watched.

\-----

Eugene fell asleep without meaning to, the TV still on. He looked at the clock and saw he had fallen asleep for two hours while watching _The Birds._ He fumbled for the remote control and turned the TV off. He rubbed his eyes and decided to hop in the shower.

After showering, still drying his hair off with a towel, he sat on the edge of his bed and checked his phone. Of course the lockscreen was filled with unanswered text messages--from the other Try Guys, their significant others, the friends they left in America asking how Australia was. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone. 

Even though he was supposed to be having the time of his life, knowing that his coming out video from a couple of months before was generally well-received and the Try Guys had managed to take their live show overseas, he just felt so... drained. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. It went beyond just physical tiredness from their two live shows and appearance at VidCon. 

He just wanted to sleep and not wake up for a long, long time.

But nevertheless, he knew he couldn't waste the _entire_ day, one of the rare 'free' days he's had recently. He couldn't remember the last time he had a single day where he had no responsibilities. He was in a foreign country he had never been to before, he had money, he had time. At the very least, he was going to take a walk.

It was late afternoon. The sun was going to set in about an hour or so, and he decided he would like to see that.

He got dressed, put his shoes on, and stuffed his wallet and phone in his pockets. He opened the door of his hotel room to find Ned standing there, fist raised as if he was about to knock.

"Oh! Hey, Eugene," Ned said, startled.

"Hey. I was just about to leave-"

"Wes wasn't feeling well so we got back here early, and now he and Ariel are taking a nap. Zach and Keith are still out with Maggie and Becky and none of them are replying to my texts, so I was coming to see if you were finally awake. I was wondering if we could go out? Get drinks or something? Whatever, really."

"Why don't you just take a nap with Wes and Ariel?"

"I tried to but I just couldn't sleep. And I didn't want to accidentally wake them up."

Eugene sighed inwardly. He truly and genuinely felt bad. He knew Ned hated being alone.

But as much as he wanted to keep Ned company, he knew he couldn't. It was selfish. He was avoiding Ned for the sake of his family and for the sake of their company.

"Gee, Ned, I was hoping I could just be by myself tonight. Clear my head."

"Can I at least come with you? We don't have to talk or anything, I just need something to do-"

"OH MY GOD, NED, CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT? I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW! WHAT DON'T YOU GET ABOUT THAT? DON'T MAKE THIS HARDER ON ME THAN IT HAS TO BE!"

What followed was stunned silence at Eugene's outburst, Eugene himself included. There was absolutely no logical reason for him to blow up at Ned like that, he knew, but all the stress and exhaustion, what with Eugene confessing his secret to Zach while simultaneously keeping that secret from everyone else, avoiding Ned, and performing his obligations as a Try Guy, had finally, _visibly_ bit him in the ass.

Ned blinked a few times. "Okay. What the _hell_ is your problem, Eugene? I've been patient with you these past few months, I thought maybe you just needed some space, but I honestly don't know what's going on with you anymore. If you're upset about something, fine, but don't take it out on me. Don't act like I haven't been here for you this whole time and that if you needed to talk about something, about whatever it is that's been bothering you, that I haven't made it clear to you that I will always listen. Always. And if you don't want to take that up with me, that's fine too. But I'm here with my family and I don't have time to deal with your childishness. I don't know what the fuck I did to make you avoid me for the past four months but if you don't want to tell me, I'm not going to force you."

Eugene felt his entire body heat up in humiliation. He deserved it. He had no right to treat Ned this way.

"I- I have to go," he whispered, closing the door behind him, staring at the hotel's carpeted hallway and not meeting Ned's eye as he hurried to the elevator.

\------

Everything was bathed in orange light.

Eugene barely noticed it as he walked outside, along Macquarie Street near the Sydney Opera House. He knew he should take it all in, that he was in a gorgeous foreign country halfway across the world, and who knew when he was going to be able to visit again? 

But he couldn't stop staring at his feet as he walked, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets.

He didn't know what was waiting for him back in that hotel. If he and Ned would act like nothing happened and go back to normal, or if their friendship and partnership would forever be altered by that encounter in the hallway.

"Ow!"

He was so lost in thought he didn't realize he had bumped into a girl posing for a photo. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" he said. "I didn't watch where I was going."

The girl's friend, who was about to take the photo, put down her phone and stared at Eugene. "Are you... you don't happen to be Eugene from the Try Guys, do you?"

"Yeah, that's me. We just had a show here last night," Eugene said sheepishly. He was slightly relieved that if the girls were fans that they wouldn't be hostile to him for ruining their photo.

The girl taking the photo's jaw dropped, then put her hand over her mouth. "Oh my God. Oh my God, it's you."

"Yeah, it's me," Eugene said. He wanted to smack himself for sounding like an idiot, repeating himself like that.

The girl approached him and held his hands in hers, clasping them together. "I just... I want you to know how important your coming out video was to me, personally. I've known I was a lesbian since I was 8, I came out to my family when I was 12. They've all been very supportive but not everyone at my school is. People have called me names, some of them told me I was going to hell. But when I watched your video, it finally sunk into me that I'm not alone, that there's an entire community I belong to. Thank you so, so much."

It had already been an emotional afternoon for Eugene, and he was scared that what this girl just told him was the final crack that would make his dam burst. He was generally not an emotional person but he did not want to burst into tears in front of them.

He managed to hold it together.

"Thank _you._ Thank you for watching it. I'm so happy that my video gave you the support you needed. You guys want a photo?" he asked. The two girls more than happily obliged.

As they were taking the photo, in the distance, he heard a voice yell, "Is that Eugene from the Try Guys?" Heads turned to look; a buzzing sound of intrigued voices developed.

Before he knew it, dozens of people have swarmed him and in turn, the two girls he was taking a photo with. It was all he could do not to have a panic attack right then and there. He got nervous that police would come up and fine him for disturbing the peace or something like that. For all he knew, he was violating some Australian law he didn't even know about.

Eugene was nice enough to take photos with everyone in the crowd who asked, but by the time he was finished he was near tears. He had been inside his hotel room longer than he had been outside, but he was so tired.

How could he have been surrounded by dozens of loving fans, thanking him for making them so happy and feel supported, yet he himself couldn't be unhappier?

What was wrong with him?

On top of that, he didn't even get to enjoy his walk. He loved the Tryceratops, but his leisure time getting turned into an impromptu meet-and-greet was like being back at work. It was already dark, he didn't even get to watch the sunset like he had planned.

And he didn't get to clear his head either.

He walked back to the hotel, but he knew he couldn't just go up and back to his room where Ned or any of the other Try Guys could knock on his door.

So he went to the hotel bar and did what he knew best.

\-------

This took him back three months earlier, after he had just uploaded his coming out video and Zach and Keith took him to a bar to celebrate. But this time he was more unguarded, since none of his friends were there to hear him say weird stuff. Since it was a weekday and not tourist season, there weren't a lot of people at the hotel bar, thankfully. Maybe now he could drink in peace.

He had taken six shots of tequila when the bartender said, "Maybe slow down a bit, mate?"

"It's okay, I'm a guest here. It's not like I have to take an Uber and vomit. Ha," Eugene replied, a slight slur in his voice.

"Okay... But I am obligated to cut you off at my discretion, just letting you know."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Another shot, please."

The bartender poured him another shot of Jose Cuervo. Eugene was elated when he found out the hotel bar carried that particular brand of tequila. He felt like he was back home in Los Angeles.

He felt his head throb as his lips touched the rim of the shot glass, but he drank it all anyway.

"Pardon my asking," the bartender said, "but are you gay?"

Eugene almost choked. He stared at the bartender, whose nametag said--and Eugene almost rolled his eyes at the universe for this--"Edward".

"Sorry. You don't have to answer that. I crossed a line."

"No, it's okay. Yes, I am gay. How did you know?"

"Ahh, so my gaydar isn't as rusty as I thought it was. I'm gay too, so I just had a feeling. I'm Eddie." The bartender put his hand out to shake.

"Eugene. I hope you're not trying to hit on me, Eddie, because I am just not in the mood."

"Yeah, nah." Eddie raised his left hand to show Eugene a silver ring. "I'm taken."

"Oh, that's right, I forgot. Same-sex marriage is legal in Australia. Congrats."

"Has been since 2017," Eddie said, grinning. "We got married two days after it was finally legalized."

"Cheers to that."

"Not to sound like a stereotypical bartender, but what's troubling you? Anything I can help you with, Eugene?"

Eugene knew it was the alcohol talking, but fuck it--this random Australian bartender might as well know. What difference would it make if another person knew?

"I'm in love with my best friend."

"That's awesome. How did he take it?"

"He doesn't know. I haven't told him."

"So what's the hold up?"

"He has a wife. And a baby."

"Ahh." Eddie grabbed a dishrag from underneath the bar and began wiping. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"You're the second person I've ever told. The first one was our mutual best friend. Thankfully, he wasn't judgmental or anything like that, because he's a good person. But he did tell me that I should just go for it and tell our friend that I'm in love with him, just to get it off my chest. But I can't even fathom how _selfish_ and just _bad_ of an idea that would be. He has a family. And we own a business together. If he gets all weird about it, it could ruin everything. Just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut."

"If I could weigh in here-"

"Go for it."

"How has keeping this all a secret benefitted you or him or anyone else?"

"Well--it's kept our company together. His family's still together."

"How can you say that if you don't know if telling him was going to ruin it in the first place?"

"I just know, okay? I just know."

"What I'm hearing is that it's actually not benefitted anything. And keeping this all a secret... it's been hard for you, isn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't be at my bar right now, drinking alone."

Eugene thought about it. What good _has_ keeping his love for Ned a secret even done? All it brought him was stress, which caused him to avoid Ned and the other Try Guys. He even lashed out at Ned just hours before for no good reason.

"By the look on your face, I think I'm right. Aren't I?" Eddie said.

"Fine. Keeping it a secret hasn't actually done anything good. So what? That still doesn't make it a good idea. He has a family and we have a business that could be ruined by unrequited feelings. And those are above all else."

"Okay. Let me ask you something. How much do you think he loves his wife and baby?"

Eugene rolled his eyes. "I once asked him if he would let a boat full of newborn babies die in order to save his wife and he said yes, because as he put it, he 'doesn't know those babies'. And I'm fully confident he would kill anyone who tried to hurt his baby with his bare hands."

"If you telling him you're in love with him ruins his marriage and his family, then his marriage might not be as good as you think it is. You don't owe his marriage with his wife anything, it's up to them to keep it alive and not let anything ruin it. Same goes for your business. Business partners have disagreements all the time. If your confession leads to its demise, maybe it wasn't as strongly held-together as you think. But you guys have thousands of fans across the world--I doubt you'll let anything make you disappoint them."

Eugene stared at Eddie. "So you've known who I am this entire time."

Eddie smiled serenely. "I never said I didn't."

"So why did you ask me if I was gay?"

"My friend told me about your video but I haven't looked it up yet. I needed to know if it was actually true."

Eugene laughed through his nose, then put his head in his hands. "I don't know what to do."

"I'm not telling you what you should do, Eugene. I'm just saying telling him might not be as bad as you think it is, and anything bad that happens after that, even if you think telling him caused it, was probably already bound to happen anyway."

Eugene sighed.

Eddie continued. "Now, I don't know much about Ned as a person, but if you're in love with him, he sounds like a pretty great dude who cares about you. And if he values your friendship and partnership, he wouldn't let your feelings for him ruin anything. And if he does, he's an asshole, and he goes back to his wife and baby. That's it. Not the end of the world."

Eugene didn't know what else to say. He fumbled for his wallet. "Thanks, Eddie. How much do I owe you?"

Eddie waved him off. "It's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift."

"How about a tip?"

Eddie shook his head. "Just...do what you think is right, Eugene. You're not being selfish for having feelings. Also, tipping isn't really a thing in Australia."

Eugene chuckled as he started to walk out of the bar, stuffing his wallet back into his pocket. Meeting a gay bartender halfway across the world who knew who he was and told him to follow his heart was something that could only happen to him.

But he knew what just happened was something pivotal. It felt like a sign. He still didn't think it was a good idea, and it scared him to death, but he knew he had to do it, whether he liked it or not.

And as if the universe heard his thoughts, the person of his affections appeared right in front of him.

"We really have to stop bumping into each other like this," Ned said, about to step inside the bar.

Eugene blinked. "Ned," he said breathlessly. A lump formed in his throat. "We need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene finally confesses his feelings for Ned.

Ned stepped forward. "Okay, well, let's grab a table, and-"

"No, it can't be here. I already bared my soul to the bartender, and I don't want an audience."

Ned furrowed his brows in confusion. "What?" he asked. Eugene sounded insane to him right now. Was he drunk? It wouldn't surprise Ned.

"Just...let's go back to our floor."

"I don't know what it is we need to talk about, Eugene, since you looked ready to bite my head off a couple hours ago," Ned said, as the elevator took them up to their floor. "But if it's an apology, then yes, I would like to hear it," he joked.

Eugene closed his eyes, regretting how he had yelled at Ned earlier. The elevator opened and they walked down the hall to his room.

He unlocked his door and motioned for Ned to get inside.

"Sit down, Ned."

"What is this about, Eugene? Are you finally going to tell me why you've been acting so weird lately?" Ned asked, plopping down on a chair.

Eugene looked up, a weird relief coming over him. He felt like if Ned guessed that he was in love with him without Eugene actually saying the words out loud, it would be a better scenario. "Actually, yes, that's exactly what I want to talk about."

"Oh. Okay. Well, whatever it is, Eugene... if you're sick, or need some time off from the channel for whatever reason, the other guys and I can help you with that-"

"I love you, Ned."

Ned's face was blank, as if he didn't actually comprehend what Eugene just said. He blinked, not sure what to say. "Uhh... I love you too, buddy. Are you dying or something?"

Eugene shook his head in frustration. "No! That's not what I meant! I meant--" he sighed. Why was this so hard? "I meant I'm in love with you, Ned."

Ned blinked rapidly, his eyelids a hummingbird's wings. Then he smirked. "Alright. Come out, guys." He looked around the room, as if Miles and the other 2nd Try crew members were going to show themselves from their hiding spots. "Good prank. You got Eugene to pretend to be vulnerable. Joke's over."

Eugene wanted to rip his own throat out. He grabbed Ned by the shoulders. Ned recoiled from the tequila he could smell in Eugene's breath. "Ned! Listen to me! This is not a prank! I love you. I'm in love with you. This is why I've been acting so weird and why I've been avoiding you."

"Wh- but- hang on- I-" Ned stammered. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me. I'm in love with you. As in, romantically. I would never joke about something like this."

"But... why? I'm- I'm married. I have a kid. I-"

"I'm fully aware of that, Ned. Why do you think I haven't told you all these years?"

"Wait--YEARS? How long has this been going on?"

"Five years."

"You've been in love with me since we were working at BuzzFeed? But you knew I was married, right?" Ned asked incredulously.

"Not at first, no. This was before the Try Guys was even formed. For some reason I never noticed the ring on your finger. The day I first saw Ariel, that wasn't just the moment that I first met her, that was the moment I found out you were even _married._ I was blind to it all, because I was so distracted by how attracted I was to you-"

"Eugene-"

"Which was weird in itself. I didn't know why I was attracted to you. You weren't even my type! I hadn't dated a lot of white guys, certainly not ones from Florida, you were too masculine and clean-cut and you had this nasally voice, but you were also smart and kind and funny and sweet... I don't know, Ned. I don't know why I'm in love with you. I just am. I had no control over this. I'm so sorry."

"Eugene." Ned stood up and embraced him. This is when the dam finally burst. Eugene sobbed right onto Ned's shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Ned."

"Shhh. There's nothing to be sorry for."

Ned let go of Eugene and went quiet for a bit, contemplating. "So why are you telling me this now, Eugene? After all this time... why now?"

"Because... I was good at compartmentalizing. I got busy being a producer at BuzzFeed, the Try Guys were formed... even though I had to spend a lot of time with you, we were under the scrutiny of our co-workers, and the pressure of deadlines and all of that... it at least took my mind off of my feelings for you. And of course finding out about Ariel helped with that. You talked about her a lot, and that kept me grounded. I was fine all these years. I never stopped being in love with you, but I knew how to stop thinking about it."

Eugene paused.

"I never planned on telling you. Ever. I was going to wait until I met someone else and hopefully, possibly, fall in love with them instead. Otherwise it was a secret I planned on taking to my grave. But I fell in love with you again. At the beach. When you were ready to fight someone to defend me. When you told me that if anyone looked at me the wrong way you would destroy them. You've always been nice to me, Ned, but no one has ever done that for me in that way, and I never thought in a million years you would do that for me. But you did, and somehow it didn't surprise me, because that's just the kind of person you are. And since keeping it a secret from you was making me act like an asshole, I thought, maybe I should just tell you. So it's out in the open. No more secrets. I love you, Ned. That's my big secret. And I'm sorry it took me this long to tell you."

Ned let out a long exhale. "Wow, um. Eugene. I don't even know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything. I don't know how Ariel's gonna take it, but-"

"Wait, what? What's Ariel got to do with this?" Ned asked, alarmed.

"I just meant... aren't you gonna tell Ariel? Laugh about it with her or whatever?"

"No, Eugene. Look, thank you for telling me. I'm deeply honoured to be the one receiving your affections. But this stays between us. Nobody can ever know about this, especially not Ariel."

Eugene narrowed his eyes. Why was Ned telling him what to do with his own secret? "The whole point of me telling you was that it's all out in the open. I don't want to keep this a secret any longer. I want to move forward and work on my feelings, learn how to navigate around it with you being my business partner and friend and all that-"

"I don't know how to put this delicately, Eugene. Um... it'll just make things weird. Okay? I have a baby now, for God's sake. I can't have anyone thinking I'm banging my friend and business partner on the side. I'm completely devoted to Ariel."

Eugene blinked incredulously. This conversation took a weird turn. "I- I know that, Ned. I don't expect you to leave her for me. Jesus Christ! Is that what this is about? I'm not trying to steal you from her! The fact that you and her are the most married fucking couple ever is why I thought I could finally tell you, because it's not like I can ruin your perfect marriage anyway! What are you even saying, Ned?"

"So... what was the point of telling me then? Are you not trying to be a homewrecker?"

Eugene threw his hands up in anger. "FUCK! I knew this was gonna happen! Why do I ever listen to people when I'm always right?" he yelled. 

"Eugene, calm down-"

"Being vulnerable is the hardest thing to do for me. And you throw it right back in my face. You're an asshole, Ned."

"Look, I just don't understand! What was the point of telling me? You know I'm not going to leave her for you, so what was your goal here, Eugene? Fine, you just wanted to get it off your chest. But what exactly did you expect me to say here, Eugene? How did you think I was going to react? How did you _want_ me to react?"

Eugene panted. "I expected you to be... nicer...God, I don't even fucking know."

What happened next neither of them saw coming.

Eugene grabbed Ned's face with both hands and kissed him on the lips. 

It felt like time had stopped. Eugene had kissed Ned before for a video, red lipstick smearing both of their faces, but this was different.

Ned pushed him away and immediately Eugene felt terror.

"No. God, you are so drunk," Ned muttered.

"What?" Eugene whispered.

"No, Eugene. I made a commitment. I am in love with my wife and I'm not going to cheat on her with you. This isn't happening."

Eugene felt the lump in his throat start to hurt. "I thought maybe... just maybe, there was a chance..."

"There isn't, Eugene. There's no chance."

"But... you were so nice to me. All those times at work. It felt different. You made me feel like I was the only person in the room. That had to mean something, Ned."

Ned bowed his head, his eyes closed. He sighed.

When he looked back up at Eugene, he said, "Because you made me realize something, Eugene."

"What?"

"That I'm... I'm not straight. I'm...bi or pan. Or fluid. Whatever. I just know I'm not solely attracted to women. Meeting you, seeing how confident you were in being gay, gave me hope. It validated me. I don't think I'm going to come out anytime soon because what would be the point? I've already met the love of my life before I fully realized this part of my identity, so my attraction to other genders is irrelevant now. But... I guess that's why I felt like I needed to be nice to you, because I wanted to be your friend. And why I felt protective of you. Especially now that you came to be one of my best friends and we started a company together. And I guess you perceived that as romantic affection somehow."

Eugene couldn't stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. He sobbed silently.

Ned's phone made a noise. He looked at it. "Ariel just texted. She's asking me to come back to the room. I have to go, Eugene. We can talk more about this another time."

"There's nothing else to talk about. Your wife needs you."

"Eugene, don't be like that. I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I was just confused. Okay? But I really need to go."

Eugene closed the door behind Ned and immediately flopped down onto his bed, his face hitting the pillow. He had stopped crying, but he made up his mind on what to do next.

He grabbed his laptop and searched for the earliest possible flight back to Los Angeles.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene goes home early, leaving everyone worried.

Ned slammed their hotel room door shut behind him after entering, cringing upon the realization that he probably shouldn't have done that since Wes might still be asleep. He sighed in relief as he realized that both he and Ariel were wide awake, sitting in front of the TV, waiting for him. Wes stood up from the floor and waddled over to him. "Daddy!" the toddler cooed.

Ned picked him up in his arms. "Hey, buddy. Did you get a nice nap?" Instead of answering, Wes buried his face in his father's shoulder.

"Where've you been, honey?" Ariel asked.

Even though Ariel's question was innocuous and she didn't sound suspicious, Ned felt like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have. Even though technically he wasn't _caught_ , and even though technically _he_ didn't do anything wrong, he still felt guilty.

"Oh, nowhere. Just talking to Eugene. Waiting for you guys to wake up."

Ariel stretched her arms. "I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready for dinner. Can you change Wes's diaper? We can give him a bath before bed instead."

"Yeah, of course."

It took all of them an hour and a half to get ready. Ariel wore a nice, midnight-blue dress and makeup that made her glow more than usual. Ned wore a checkered blazer that matched with Wesley's shirt. 

They looked like a family.

"What's Eugene doing?" Ariel asked.

"Uhh, I dunno. Probably resting?"

"Do you wanna go and ask him if he wants to join us? I feel bad that he's all alone. We should at least invite him."

Ned tried not to sigh. He really didn't want Eugene to be there with them. He knew it made him sound callous, but the guy just confessed his love for him. Was it really that strange that he didn't want to have an awkward dinner?

But what was he supposed to tell Ariel? The truth?

"Okay. I'll see if he's up for it," Ned said, walking towards the door.

"We'll come with you. We're on our way out, anyway."

Ned tried not to choke. This really couldn't get any more awkward if he tried to make it.

He knocked on Eugene's door. "Eugene? You there?"

Silence. That's weird. Did Eugene fall asleep already? He pressed his ear against the door.

"We're going out to dinner. Would you like to join us?"

There was no answer. He knocked more on the door.

Just then, a hotel staff member passed by. "Hello. Is there anything I can help you with, sir and madam?" he asked.

"Uh, yes. We're just trying to see if our friend who's checked into this room is inside. He's not answering the door," Ned replied.

"I'm sorry, sir. The guest who had this room just checked out about an hour ago. I'm here to prepare the room for the next guest."

Ned chuckled incredulously. "No, you must be mistaken. I was in this room less than two hours ago. Can you please just open the door?"

The staff member shrugged resignedly. "If you say so, sir. But I can assure you there's no one there."

The door opened into complete darkness. The staff member switched on the lights and the four of them stepped inside. Eugene's suitcase near the bed and the clothes that hung on his closet door were gone. Even the bed was made half-heartedly, as if he wanted to make it easier for housekeeping.

Eugene was gone.

\-----

"Honey, I think you should leave it," Ariel said, putting her hand over Ned's as he dialled Eugene's phone for the tenth time.

They were at the hotel restaurant, sitting down for dinner. Wes was in a high-chair munching on crackers while they waited for their food to arrive.

"No, I need to know where he is. I'm- I'm worried about him, Ariel."

"I am, too. But he's a grown man, Ned. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"You don't understand. He- I'm worried he might've done something. I just... I can't explain it."

"I get it. You're worried about your friend. But if he's not answering his phone, there's not much we can do. The concierge said he spoke to Eugene about wanting to check out early. We know that he wasn't abducted. If he wanted to let us know where he is, he would."

Ned finally put his phone down with a sigh. The waiter arrived with two heaping plates of food, and a plate of chicken nuggets for Wes. 

Ariel squeezed her husband's hand, love and kindness in her eyes.

Ned squeezed back.

He shovelled food into his mouth until he couldn't breathe, even though he had lost his appetite well before they sat down.

\-----

While the Fulmer family were getting ready to go out to dinner, Eugene was hurriedly packing his suitcase.

He booked a flight without hesitation and scheduled an Uber. The plane was leaving three and a half hours from when he booked it; it was just his luck that it wasn't tourist season so checking in and customs wouldn't take that long. 

After convincing the concierge that he was absolutely sure he wanted to check out early, he waited outside the building for his Uber.

"Just the airport, mate?" the Uber driver asked, helping him put his suitcase in the trunk.

"Yeah. Just the airport."

Once he was inside the car, he turned his phone off.

\-----

Ned had barely said a word once their food arrived, which was strange to Ariel. Ned was a meal-chatter, a term they coined referring to his inability to stop talking while eating. It was a miracle he hadn't choked on his food in a long time. She put her fork down.

"Sweetie. What's really going on? Eugene has always been like this; taking off for no reason, and he always ends up fine. Why are you so worried all of a sudden?" Ariel asked.

Ned looked up at his wife, his eyes shining. "Honey..." He looked down again without saying anything else, and Ariel knew her husband so well that this meant something was wrong.

"What is it? Tell me, Ned."

He reached for his wife's hand across the table. He rubbed his thumb on her hand, one of the ways they say 'I love you' without actually opening their mouths.

"While you and Wes were asleep, I decided to go see Eugene and ask him to hang out. I couldn't sleep, but I wanted to let you guys rest. I went to his room."

"And?"

"Eugene has been acting on edge for months, ever since our tour started. I don't know why. He always seemed agitated towards me for some reason. He kept avoiding me during the tour. I thought that if I kept acting like everything was normal, he'd finally tell me why. He lashed out at me, told me to leave him alone. He disappeared for a couple hours, I didn't know where he went, then I ran into him coming out of the hotel bar. He told me he needed to tell me something and asked me to come up to his room, so I did. And then..."

"What? Out with it, Ned."

Ned exhaled. "He told me he loved me. That he was _in love_ with me. That he has been ever since we started working at BuzzFeed together. Before the Try Guys were even formed. Before he even met you and found out I was married."

It took Ariel everything not to gasp, yell, choke on her food, or react in any way that would attract attention. She blinked a few times but kept her face blank.

Finally, she took a deep breath. "He did?" she asked, quietly.

Ned nodded. "I asked him why he would tell me this after all these years, and he said... God, I don't even know why. I think he told me just so he could finally get it off his chest. I told him I didn't understand the point of him telling me, because obviously I'm never going to leave you for him. He got mad and lashed out again. Then I got your text and that was the excuse I so desperately needed to leave his room."

Ariel closed her eyes in realization, nodding.

"You told me to invite him for dinner, and I really would rather not, but I had to act like everything was normal. I'm sorry, honey."

They finished the rest of their dinner in near silence, the only sounds at their table Wes giggling to himself.

\-----

After they left the restaurant, they ran into Zach, Keith, Maggie, and Becky near the elevators.

"Wowww, look at you guys all dressed up!" Zach exclaimed.

"We're gonna go see if Eugene wants to hit up a club," Keith said.

Ned and Ariel glanced at each other. "Eugene's gone," Ned said.

"Wait, what? What do you mean, gone? Where is he?" Keith asked.

"Gone, as in he might be at the airport right now catching an early flight back to LA. He left without telling anyone."

Zach blinked, realization dawning on him. He looked at Ned and Ariel, at their downturned faces, at the tension radiating from them.

They knew.

"That's cool. I think we should give Eugene some space," Zach said. Keith, Becky, and Maggie looked at him strangely, so did Ned and Ariel. A _ding!_ came on, and the elevator doors opened. They all stepped inside.

Ned glanced at Zach, a questioning look in his slightly narrowed eyes. _Did you know?_

Zach glanced back at him, a kind half-smile on his face, and nodded once. _Yes. I knew._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This pandemic really made me more productive in terms of writing this fic. Hope you guys liked this ending! Tell me all about the parts you liked and didn't like!

"Hang on, I'm still confused," Keith said as the elevator doors closed. "What happened? How did you find out he was gone? How do you know he's catching a flight back to LA?"

"We tried to see if he wanted to go to dinner with us. We knocked on his door and no one answered. A staff member let us into his room and it was empty of all his stuff. So we spoke to the concierge and he said Eugene asked if he could check out early. We're not 100 percent sure he's on a plane right now, but it's possible," Ned said.

Keith shook his head in disbelief. "Why would he just leave like that?"

Ned and Ariel glanced at each other. They couldn't disclose what happened between Ned and Eugene to their friends, at least not yet. "I- we don't know either," Ned said finally. "At least we know he left of his own accord. I'm still worried though because we're not completely sure where he is and he's not answering his phone."

As they speculated where Eugene might be, Zach was quiet for the entire elevator ride. Taken aback by the news of Eugene being gone, none of them wanted to go to their separate hotel rooms just yet, so they all agreed to go to Ned and Ariel's room to talk about it. Ariel unlocked the door, Wes in tow, and Keith, Becky, and Maggie all stepped inside. Ned stayed behind and pulled Zach aside. "We'll be right in!" he called to the room, closing the door behind him.

He pulled Zach three rooms down, making sure their friends couldn't overhear them. "Did you know about this?" Ned hissed.

"Know about what?" Zach asked.

Ned exhaled through his nose. Should he disclose his conversation with Eugene a few hours ago? Or did Zach already know what he was talking about and just wanted to hear him say it?

"About... Eugene. And his feelings."

"You mean about him being in love with you?" Zach asked, matter-of-factly.

Ned blinked. So Zach _did_ know.

"Did you tell Ariel?"

Ned's shoulders slumped. "I had to. I can't lie to her." He remembered Eugene drunkenly kissing him, pumping tequila fumes down his throat, and he felt tears prick the back of his eyelids. He could never hurt Ariel by telling her about that moment, and he swore right then and there he would take that kiss to his grave. "I didn't tell her every single detail, but I told her the gist of it."

"And how'd she take it?"

Ned looked down at the hotel hallway's patterned carpet. "She had no physical reaction. Which meant it devastated her."

"I'm sorry, Ned."

Ned looked back up at Zach. "If you knew this whole time, why the _fuck_ didn't you say anything?"

"First of all, I didn't know _this whole time._ He only told me on our last stop for the tour back home. Second of all, and most importantly, I swore to Eugene that I wouldn't tell a soul. I wasn't going to betray him like that, Ned."

Ned respected that. He understood why Eugene wouldn't want anyone to know, because it turned out _so well_ when Eugene finally told him. "Right. Of course."

"You guys had a fight, didn't you? You and Eugene? That's why he left. That's the only possible explanation."

"Yeah. I- I think I broke his heart. But what else was I supposed to do? The next thing I knew his mouth was on mine, and I had to tell him-"

"Ned," Zach whispered, staring at something behind him. Ned turned to look. 

Chills ran down his spine as Ariel stared at the two of them, and all his blood drained from his face.

No. No one was supposed to know about the kiss, not even Zach. _I'm such an idiot, I'm such an idiot._

"Honey, I-"

"Eugene kissed you?"

Ned swallowed what he could from his now-dry mouth, not finding the energy to nod. Ariel took his silence as a yes.

\-------

Eugene arrived in Los Angeles with three days to spare before the rest of the Try Guys and their significant others came back home.

After a 16-hour flight, he could still feel a trace of tequila in his mouth, but thanks to the Ambien he took on the plane he was able to at least sleep off the hangover. He clicked his phone on to call an Uber to drive him to the dog hotel to pick up Pesto and Emma, and then to his house.

_You have 10 missed calls from Ned Fulmer._

He sighed. He knew he was going to face Ned and the Try Guys eventually. He didn't know how much Ned told them and _who_ he told, but that was the least of his problems.

\-------

"Ariel, I'm-"

"I'm going to bed."

After Ariel caught Ned and Zach talking in the hallway, she went back to their room, patiently asking Keith, Becky, and Maggie to leave, using Wes as an excuse. Zach wished Ned luck.

"Let me know if you guys need anything," he said, before following Maggie to their hotel room.

"I don't know what else to say to make you feel better. I'm so sorry, honey."

Ariel turned around from where she was sitting on their bed. She glared at Ned from across the room, but glanced at Wes sleeping on the bed next to theirs. She wouldn't forgive herself if he woke up to them fighting.

She sighed. 

"I don't blame you for him kissing you, Ned. But you purposely left out that part when we were at the restaurant. You don't keep secrets from me. You don't lie to me. So on the rare occasion that I catch you telling your friend something that you've kept from me, I _know_ that you have no intention of letting me know. So you can keep your _I was going to tell you eventually_ bullshit, because I know that's also a lie."

"Okay. Fine. I admit it. I was going to keep it a secret from you. I just _know_ it would devastate you even more. I thought making the fight I had with Eugene seem less intense would be less harmful to you. I swear nothing else happened. I pushed him away the second he did it-"

Ariel flinched. Ned directly referencing the kiss was like a punch in the gut.

"-and I was clear that nothing was going to happen between us. I was explicit about my devotion to you, Ariel. After this is all over, you can even talk to Eugene and ask him. He'll vouch for me."

"The guy who's been secretly in love with you for five years is going to be honest with me? That's your pitch?" Ariel asked, deadpan.

Ned closed his eyes briefly. Ariel was never bitter. The last time he saw her like this was after he broke his knee in New Hampshire, and their health insurance company told them the surgery would still cost them a fortune.

"Please don't be like that," he said, sadness enveloping his voice. "Eugene is your friend too. He kept this from us for so long because he didn't want to hurt either of us. I realize that now."

Ariel blinked at him, chewing the inside of her lip. After a few seconds of silence she said, "Please sleep next to our son tonight. I need the bed all to myself. I'm sure you understand."

\-------

"Still no word from Eugene."

Rachel Cole, the producer at 2nd Try, refreshed her email for the dozenth time that day, at the request of the other Try Guys. On the day Eugene arrived in Los Angeles, she got a call from him, saying he was going to take a short break from the office and to consult the other Try Guys if any issues came up as he wasn't going to check his email or answer his phone for the time being.

It had been two weeks since the other Try Guys had returned home to Los Angeles. The last person to see him was Ned.

"I'm sorry. What can I do?"

"There's nothing you _can_ do, Rachel. If he's off the grid, he's off the grid," Zach said despondently. 

"Remind me again why Eugene's on a break and you guys aren't? We have enough content to last us three months, you can afford to take a short break from filming and producing."

"Eugene... needs this more than we do. He'd rather it come from him than us though."

Rachel sighed. "Okay. Whatever you say."

Ned had been scarce from the office too, although not off the grid like Eugene. He'd come in every other day, and while he _was_ present, he seemed distracted and aloof. He'd rush home as soon as his work for the day was done, barely looking anyone in the eye on his way out. He'd then be uncontactable for the rest of the night.

It seemed like the company was resting on Zach and Keith's shoulders.

\-------

Their friends didn't know this, but on the days that Ned didn't come to work, he and Ariel were in couples counselling.

They went in three times a week to a marriage counsellor one of Ariel's friends recommended.

This was unprecedented to them. The only time they went to couples therapy was, again, after Ned broke his knee. And even then it was only a one-time thing. Three times a week for the past two weeks was an entirely different arena.

This was why Ned was so distracted.

He didn't mean to be. But during the times his mind would wander off at work, he'd be thinking about what their therapist had told them. He'd think about the things Ariel had said during their sessions.

About how he broke her trust. His promise that he would never lie or keep secrets from her, let alone a secret that devastating.

After he'd leave the office and go home, he'd greet his baby and his dog, and then meet his wife's eyes. He'd search for any sign that she fully trusted him again, that she was comfortable being vulnerable with him again.

She'd look away.

They'd make love every night when the baby was asleep, and for a few moments they'd be connected again, forgetting about Australia, forgetting about Eugene. One night, after they finished, Ariel broke away, saying, "Putting a baby in me isn't the solution, Ned," and turned away from him.

"How long are we going to be like this?" Ned whispered in the darkness of their bedroom.

"I don't know," Ariel replied.

\-------

A few nights later, when she heard Ned begin snoring softly, she tiptoed out of their room. Ned had started making a habit of leaving his phone to charge in the living room, so he wouldn't be tempted to use it before going to sleep. She walked over to where it was charging by a lamp in a corner of the room.

She glanced at the clock on the wall, wondering if a certain person was still awake.

Ned had not called Eugene since the night they were having dinner in Sydney, when they first found out he was gone. He had heeded the general consensus that they should all give him his space, and calling him incessantly wasn't going to make him answer his phone if he had it off.

But it had been a couple of weeks. Surely Eugene has had some time to calm down and turn his phone on?

She had to try. She unlocked Ned's phone and called Eugene.

It rang three times before someone finally answered.

"Hello? Ned?"

"Eugene. It's Ariel."

"Ariel? Um... why are you calling from Ned's phone? Oh my God, did something happen? Is he okay?"

"He's fine."

There were a few seconds of awkward silence. On the other end, Eugene was bracing himself, wondering if this was finally the moment Ariel would cuss him out for his sin of being in love with someone else's husband.

"Do you love him?" Ariel finally whispered, breaking the silence.

"I- what?"

"I wanted to hear it from you. Do you love Ned?" Ariel asked.

She could hear him breathing through the phone. After a few seconds he said, "I wish I didn't." A pregnant pause. "I'm sorry, Ariel. I really am."

"Can you meet with Ned on Saturday afternoon at the beach? In Santa Monica?"

"You... you want me to meet with him?"

"If you want to make this up to me, Eugene... if you care about our friendship at all, you'd do this for me."

"I'll do anything you ask," Eugene said.

Ariel uttered a time, then said goodbye. She deleted the call log from Ned's phone before going back to bed.

\-------

Ariel had mentioned a specific part of Santa Monica Beach where there'd be less people. He was sitting at an outdoor cafe, staring at the ferris wheel in the horizon.

Eugene was nervous. He hadn't spoken to Ned for three weeks now. He wondered what this meeting was all about, and whose idea it was. He bounced his leg up and down.

"Hi."

He looked up to see Ariel, pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down.

"Ariel? Where's Ned? I thought I was meeting with him."

"I lied. You're actually meeting with me."

"Does he-?"

"No, he doesn't know I'm doing this."

"So... what did you want to talk about?"

"I want you to know that I forgive you. We don't decide who we love. And... I want to thank you for keeping this a secret for so long. Because you cared about us. Because you didn't want to hurt us-"

"I swear the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you-"

"I know. And it must not have been easy to lie and pretend for years about your feelings."

Eugene fidgeted with his hands. "It wasn't."

"Please come back to work. I don't know about the other Try Guys and your staff, but I know Ned's been having a hard time adjusting to working without you. Isolating yourself isn't the solution."

Eugene swallowed. "Okay."

"But that's not the real reason why I wanted to meet with you. Actually... I'm here to introduce you to someone," Ariel said. She turned around, and realized whoever this person was had arrived, right on time.

"What? Who?"

An attractive man appeared a few feet away from them, as if from thin air, and walked over to them. Ariel stood up and hugged him.

"Eugene, this is my friend Matthew MacLean. I decorated his parents’ house. He was really interested in meeting you."

Matthew put his hand out for Eugene to shake. "It's nice to meet you, Eugene," he said, smiling.

"Uhh. Likewise," Eugene said, shaking his hand.

"I'm sure you guys have a _lot_ to talk about," Ariel said.

"You can call me Matt," he said, sitting down on the chair Ariel stood up from.

Eugene chuckled to himself, realizing what Ariel had done. He looked up at her and she winked, then walked away. 

In that moment he knew they were going to be okay.

He looked at Matt, who then said, "So, Eugene. Ariel has told me a lot about you. But tell me about the craziest thing that's happened to you lately?"

Eugene stared at this guy, who he's known for all of thirty seconds. He could feel himself letting his guard down as he looked at Matt's sparkling eyes and blindingly white smile.

He had a good feeling about this.

"You know what? I'm glad you asked."

\-------

**EPILOGUE**

_Eight months later._

"Whoa, Bean! Don't attack the guests!" Eugene said, as he and his boyfriend Matt stepped onto the Fulmers' property, being aggressively greeted by the labradoodle. Matt crouched down to scratch Bean's chin.

"I'll take that," Zach said, manifesting next to them and taking the perfectly wrapped gift from Eugene's arms.

The baby shower was already in full swing, even though they had only arrived 20 minutes after what the invitation said the party was supposed to start. The Fulmers' backyard was filled with people: Ned and Ariel's family members, YouTuber friends, former co-workers from BuzzFeed, Ariel's clients. He spotted them across the front yard, surrounded by a small crowd. He knew there was no point in squeezing himself past all of those people.

But even from that far away, he saw Ariel perfectly, glowing like the beautiful person she was, her belly huge and full of life. Ned was doting on her like always, but even moreso. Wes, who had turned 2 years old two months before, was being carried by Ned's father, not caring about how heavy he was. 

In a flash, Eugene saw what he hoped his future would look like, that it would look a lot like this. His perfect picket-fence family, with the love of his life (who at that point, he was positive was Matt), their dogs, and their kids.

"Uncle Eugene! Uncle Matt!"

He saw Wes being put down by his grandfather on the ground, and instantly running over to them.

Eugene closed his eyes happily, briefly, relishing in that sound. Relishing in the feeling of being called uncle by a child he wasn't related to, but was being raised by two of the most important people in his life. Relishing in the feeling of how lucky he was, being surrounded by these people.

As he picked up Wes in his arms, he looked at Ned and Ariel again, who he realized were now looking at him. They waved at him in unison, grins on their faces. He waved at them back.

Matt pressed his cheek on Eugene's shoulders and waved too.

 _Thank you,_ Eugene mouthed to them.

"Urgh, you're so heavy," he said to Wes.

"Do you want to put him down, sweetie?" Matt asked. "Give me a turn?"

Eugene laughed, and hugged Wes tighter. "Never."

_The end._


End file.
